Yesterday I wrote a post about my journey with this beautiful chapter in Isaiah 52, the story has been a long one and there was no way that I could have written it all down in one page. Here is the second instalment. Please see my heart in all this, I have lived this and I am still living this. If you would like to contact me for prayer or just to share opinions please feel free.
________________________________

Fighting

I am more than a conqueror (Ro 8:37)

Do you remember the day the shackle became an extension of your body? Do you remember the feel of the cold iron wrapping itself around your skin? Do you hear the clanking of the chains? What about the roughness of the stone wall that was to become your home? How uncomfortable the ground was? How it cut into your bare feet? What about the humidity and humiliation that hung in the air? The dust getting caught in your throat and making you cough?

The likelihood is that not many of us remember the exact moment we became the chained woman of Isaiah 52, it could have been a slow process over many months or years – the drip effect. Maybe it stemmed from childhood, upbringing, those difficult teenage years or maybe its present day circumstances. If it’s been the drip effect, that can be dangerous; you don’t notice the single drips, but they keep hitting the same spot over and over again and before you know it there is an indent – a hole – a gap that leaves you empty and unfulfilled. Maybe for others it was an instant moment that bound and we can pin point the cause and the time in history, it was like the shutters came down, the wall came up around us and suddenly the world would never look the same to our eyes.

If we were walking with God at this point then maybe we sought ministry for our church leaders, maybe we reached out and tried to pull ourselves out of the ditch we had fallen into; I certainly did. I asked for prayer and through one particular prayer time my Pastor told me that God wanted me to know that “It wasn’t my fault”. She didn’t have a clue what she was talking about, but I knew and I knew it was from God. This helped me a bit but honestly, it didn’t give me the strength I needed to rise up and flee my captivity. Over the years I have sought more ministry although not consistently, but I felt so beaten down that mustering the strength to pull myself up seemed impossible.

Does your actions match your attitude & does your attitude match your actions?

Sure in the beginning I fought, I used all my energy daily to pull at my chains, to escape, to claw my way to freedom. I prayed, I read my bible, I repeated selective verses to myself. But it didn’t work. I had no idea why, I was trying so hard but seemed to be failing.

Today what is your cross you have to bear? As women we may see many things in our lives as burdens; our marriage, our draining friendships, our guilt, our scars of abuse, our inandaquances, unfulfilling job, a health issue or loneliness. But be rest assured no matter what your burden is today – God is just waiting for you to exhaust all your own efforts and pass it over to Him and you can do that today.

In church if your preacher said, “God wants to have a word with someone about something they need to change in their lives today”, we would all be sitting there thinking, “Its me, God wants to talk to me, I’m doing something wrong, I need to change”. But if our preacher stood up one day in church and said, “Today God wants to bless someone because He loves them so much”, we would be sitting thinking, “I wonder who it is?”.

For some reason we seem to think that Gods promises are for others and not for us.

2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

I have read this verse many times, I have sung in songs but the truth never really pierced my heart. I always thought it was something for someone else. I would have quite easily quoted this verse to a friend who was struggling with something and had faith that it was true for her, but if someone had told me that when I was weak God was strong I would have nodded in a Christian fashion, probably said something in Christianese like, “Amen sister!” and all the time be thinking, “But I am a failure.” It took me so long to realise that when I was most weak, it was then that Gods glory would shine through. I thought I could do it all myself – like I was some kind of Superwoman. Don’t get me wrong I acted all Christian while doing it. I would try to change my husband to make him more Christian, I tried to change myself to fix myself. I was being self righteous in my own limited strength and taking all the glory. When I should have been acting righteously (being right with God), relying on Gods strength to see me through and giving God all the glory.

When we try to change ourselves or our circumstances, even with the best of intentions, we mess up. Only God can restore us or transform our lives to be the best they can be. When we try to change ourselves we run the risk of trying to make ourselves the best version of what the world wants us to be and not what Gods original blue print was. We are suppose to be in the world but not made of it, what do you want to be made of? All the plans for good God has to prosper you or a cheap imitation which may fall apart at the seams with some wear and tear?

God made us, he spent time on every single little part of us, we were all premeditated – not an accidental craft project gone wrong one day. The bible says that we  were formed in the womb – we were known by God before we were known by our parents. God says that he knows the plans for our lives, plans to prosper us – again He knows all about us. The bits we attempt to keep hidden from everyone else, in my case my wobbly tummy, flabby arms and how insecure I am, God knows it all. If God knows us and predestined us He owns the original blue prints of us. We can move away from the original blue prints when we are hurt and bruised by people and situations but God never  throws them away, He is clutching them waiting for us to come back to Him with nothing but our desire to become more like the best and original version of ourselves.